bleh. i'm going to the mall to spend money i shouldn't to buy things i really could do without to fill this void and to make myself feel better about having a shitty day to release stress to forget the fact that i have two parents who are stuck in terminal adolescence to get out of this house to be able to smoke in the car to feel guilty about giving up quitting to find something to wear so i can go out tonight meet someone i dont know to go see a band i never heard at some bar i've never been to to promise myself that i wont drink since i have to drive home feel terribly anxious and depressed about my life and drink anyway feel better about things for as long as i buzz maybe if i'm lucky i'll have some meaningless makeoutsession that i can feel guilty about tomorrow go find heather go hang out with her pretend to be so happy pretend everything is cool that i am so much cooler than i am drinkdrinkdrink blahblahblah spendspendspend more more more then drive home and its all too much.