I hate myself, and what this depression is doing to me. And at this point its wheeled far out of my control, I feel possessed. I do things and the real Janet is sitting trapped in the back of my brain telling me not to do it and I do it anyway. I can't help it anymore, I can't help myself. Do you know what it feels like to be conscious of your misery and realize it is ruining your life and at the same time feel like your hands and feet are tied together so you can't change anything? I don't want to be like this. But. This is where I am.
So depression won. Depression pissed my family off so much at Christmas none of them are speaking to me. Depression has alienated me from all my friends. And best of all, Depression removed the only person who stuck with me this far and tried everything to make it go away. Depression won, and now I am alone, stuck with the person I hate the most, who let this all happen, and let life get away from her.