this construct was always a game,
but we never knew anything
inbetween chronic amnesia
or
narcolepsy and suicide
I want to love you
If I could be beautiful as well as desperate
or
I am not even desperate.
I am disappearing
I wanted to paint an entire wall full of faces (yours, and yours and) and hands grasping at me, and sit near it, enthralled
in enraptured terror of it.
xo