i havent written much lately, primarily because the things going on i really didn't feel like writing about or having people reading about. i've been thinking about privatization a lot, primarily because i give out this address so liberally, without thinking later how thats going to change what i am going to say, because inevitably it does in some fashion, and as the relationships i have forged in the diaryland community developed into friendships and other things deeper than mutual admiration, i find it harder and harder to discuss anything literally. sometimes i just want to say why, or vent about what, or who, but i feel like i can't, because some people will be offended or...something. i dont know. nevermind.
what's mostly going on:
transitioning out of the city for the time being to pay off some debt and free myself from that burden. at that point i will have 2 options: leave chicago or stay. i am not sure which i will choose yet. if i leave it will most likely be for new york, there is something in my heart telling me to go, but there is also something in my gut telling me theres no reason to leave chicago. my other major decision to make is to stay with my current job and continue to make money or leave for something more creative and probably be poor. these are not things i have to decide today, but i think about a lot.
thursday i have an appointment with a neurologist at northwestern university to get more tests done to see why my right hand trembles constantly and seizes occasionally. this is something that worries me more than i let on. i am 23, this shouldnt be happening to me and things going wrong with nerves has me completely petrified. i severed this nerve about 10 years ago when i broke my arm but it regenerated and had been working fine till about this summer. i am hoping that its something easily fixed. and i dont really want to talk about it much more than that.
my car got vandalized, somebody poured something corrosive on it and totally ruined the paint. i would like to think this is a random act of stupidity, but its possible it wasn't. doesnt matter either way. luckily my insurance will pay to get the car repainted, when i can find time to have that done. its just entirely annoying, the car is less than a year old. but whatever. i am actually suprized at how not upset i am over it.
this weekend i went to a gallery party that an aquaintance of mine had some work up at. i went with justin's best friend keith, who is a friend of mine, we walked in, couldnt find justin anywhere. the art wasn't great. the karoke, however, was excellent. spotted someone there who probably wasn't all that happy to see me, i dont blame her, i guess, but whatever. i'd usually take this opportunity to badmouth her, but since she is important to one of my favorite people living in my zip code, i will refrain. finally found justin, said hello, gave props and left, i hate being at places that i feel like my hipster quotient is being judged. which ironically, is everywhere i like to hang out. which i guess is the dichotomy that keeps me from leaving my house more often. one good thing to come out of the gallery thing was i got contact info for the pink bloque. i'll write about that some other time.
saturday i hung out with a new friend of mine who lives in my neighborhood, and shares an eerie number of other things in common with me, like birthdays. i've only ever met one other person who shared my birthday, so its a pretty neat thing. anyway, drove around for about 2 hours nowhere in particular just talking about nothing in particular. it was really fun, just talking and talking and interrupting each other and driving about the city. we ended up at exit and people watched while i drank gin and tonics and got drunk since i hadn't drank in about a month and ed had to drive home, which was okay, so i spaced out the window for a while and we listened to gary numan, and it was fun. though i did feel kinda odd about getting drunk with someone who stayed sober. like a dumb kid, unsophisticated or something.
sunday, i made salsa out of 10lbs of tomatoes, so if anyone wants some, it's canned and everything. cooking is very meditative for me. repetetive chopping or lots of steps. it has to be something pretty involved. i think thats why i get into baking so much. anyway, so i did that, and then went to hang out with dustin for a while at his house, watched adult swim on cartoon network while he and his roomate everquested. while dustin was picking out records for his show, he had an epiphany that all his favorite albums were released in 94. he gets so into things and trying to get a word in edgewise sometimes when he's talking is next to impossible, it cracks me up. he makes me laugh a lot, he's completely quirky and a lot of it i've yet to understand, but that's why i like him. and it makes me happy that i can hang out somewhere and lay on the couch and play with the cat and watch tv and do nothing and everyone's okay with it. so then we went to his radio show (from 2-6am on wluw plugplug) and i loved being back in a studio, it brought back a ton of memories from college. but by 3 i was fading fast, so i had to head home, being the big baby that i am.
so today i woke up at 2:30 in the after noon and accomplished little but my laundry. but i'm okay with it. i've got a big week ahead. sarah's coming into town from indy. probably the person who understands me and knows me best. will be awesome. she wants to go to ikea. i have a little more than that planned, i'd like to see interpol on friday, and my coworker friend michelle is having a party on saturday and so there's going to be plenty to do.
it feels good to be grasping onto what's actually around me, but readjusting from so much time alone to a more social based life is difficult and exhausting. theres so many different feelings to contend with and resolve, so many complexities that have no readily available answers, i'm doing the best i can though. and it feels good.