to prepare for my telephone interview which is going to be in an hour, this morning i went and rode a horse.
and while i was galloping through the field, the wind blowing in my face and in my hair, my hands holding the reigns tight, i had this moment of clarity. standing up in the stirrups, urging the horse faster, hearing his breath and his feet pummeling the dirt, blowing it up onto me, i saw. i realized.
i wasn't afraid of falling off. i wasn't afraid of going too fast. i wasn't afraid of dying. i was not afraid.
trotting back to the stable, up and down on the back of this horse, feeling this life carrying me between my legs, all the sleep i didn't get didn't matter anymore. all the what ifs and whys didn't matter anymore. this interview didn't matter anymore. i know i'm fine. i know i am alive.